The worst part about Burger King’s new Mac n’ Cheetos is ordering them. I needed time and strength to accept my future actions. It took all the courage I had to look another human in the eye and admit that, yes, I want to consume deep fried macaroni & cheese covered in Cheetos dust.
Once able to vanquish the shriveling remains of self-respect, I placed my order. The cashier didn’t care. When asked by that indifferent Burger King employee, “Is that all?” I thought to myself, what else would I get? Do people order deep-fried mac & cheese AND burgers? Savory Jesus, I’m not ready for that.
“No. That’s all.”
And now I wait. I sit patiently while culinary masters flex their artisan mastery and– They’re done already? Oh, that was fast. Mac n’ Cheetos must not required a single minute of cook time. How long have these been sitting in under a heater? Well, I guess I don’t have time to rethink my decision. I turn to leave as a new customer approaches the cashier.
“Mac n’ Cheetos please,” the nervous soul mutters. I don’t make eye contact. I know the struggle.
I found my seat, held the bright orange cardboard in my hand and popped tabs open. Chester Cheetah punched me in the face. The smell was obnoxiously Cheetos. Looks, however, were rather disappointing. My eyes fell silent upon the five pathetic, orange cylinders, one snapped off at the end.
Well, you don’t order Mac n’ Cheetos to look at them and judging by the smell, these are gonna be absolutely ridiculous. These are going to be cartoon flavored. My taste buds are going to do a spit-take and laugh hysterically.
I take a bite. Oh my. They taste pretty good. They taste so… normal.
All Cheetos fumes that escaped the box when I opened it must have been the bulk of Cheetos flavor. Because these don’t taste much like Cheetos. Mac n’ Cheetos taste like mozzarella sticks. Rather, they taste like good mozzarella sticks with a barely Cheeto-y crust.
The real surprise was the mac & cheese filling. It actually tastes pretty good. I was expecting bland mush. Instead I got sharp, cheddar mush. Fifty percent ain’t bad.
Despite the ads always showing highly defined noodle shapes, I was not surprised that in reality the insides of Mac n’ Cheetos is mush. There are a few noodle remnants, but never once was I concerned that noodles would start falling out when I bit in. No, this is overcooked mac & cheese, like a fifteen year old babysitter cooked it.
This Burger King. Your babysitter probably did cook it.
The real disappointment is the crust. It’s not bad or disgusting. It’s just too normal. It definitely has a cheese flavor, but there is no real Cheetos flavor. If I’m going to go through all the stress and anxiety of ordering such a ridiculous sounding food item, Burger King could at least have the common decency to serve me an absolutely ridiculous tasting food item.
Don’t give me this normal appetizer crap. Give me insanity. I want Chester Cheetah to punch me in the tongue harder than he punched me in the nose.
Perhaps Burger King should have created a special dipping sauce for Mac n’ Cheetos. That extra sauce could have been the little boost of flavor this meal is missing. And once you get two Mac n’ Cheetos in, you’re going to wish you had some sort of sauce to dip into. These sons of guns are drier than a mouthful of Cheetos.
Well, at least they got that part right.