I wouldn’t be terribly shocked if an Eggo breakfast was a delicious guilty pleasure. I would fully understand if an Eggo breakfast sandwich was disgusting. I would probably expect it to be mind-blowingly ridiculous. But somehow Eggo managed to miss all ends of the spectrum and produced a mouth-numbingly boring breakfast sandwich. How is that even possible?! Seriously. HOW?!
I’m not mad at you Eggo, I’m just disappointed. When I saw your new frozen breakfast sandwich at Grocery Outlet I just knew I was in for something ridiculous. I was so excited to witness what was surely going to be an outrageous combination of flavors. The cartoon waffle flavor of Eggo mixed with cheese, sausage and egg? This was going to be hilarious. It was going to be so bad it was good.
But no. All I got was a some artificial tasting sausage, flavorless eggs and processed cheese all sandwiched between two slightly waffle flavored bread objects. Did it taste like a waffle? Kinda. Did it taste good? Not really. Did it taste bad? Dunno.
After tearing open the package, I was greeting by a hilarious maple syrup scent. I thought, “Hell yeah. This is gonna be good.” The smell gave me reminded me of a McDonald’s McGriddle and my optimism rose to sky high levels.
My hopes were crushed one minute later when my microwave beeped and the Eggo sandwich cooled down to an edible temperature.
How did Eggo screw up this bad? How did they make something so blah? I’m guessing when they decided to start making sandwiches they thought they could appeal to mothers by making something that seemed healthy. Big mistake. Know your brand Eggo. Know your brand.
People don’t buy yellow crayon colored waffles because they are health conscious. People buy Eggo waffles because they are toaster candy. Eggo got caught trying to live outside their brand. Someone at the corporate office obviously said, “Hey! This could be a big hit with customers if we dial it waaaaaay back! So how about instead of using an actual waffle, let’s replace it with some bread substance that tastes dull, but is seemingly healthy!”
“Great idea Bob! But shouldn’t the sandwich taste like a waffle?”
“Hmmm. Good point. Let’s just get a hose and fart some maple syrup gas into the packaging.”
“Genius! This is gonna sell like… like… HOT CAKES!”[ecko_wide][/ecko_wide]