La La Land Review

Movie awards season is upon us and the competition will be fierce. This year has seen the release of many worthy candidates, but there can only be one. And I nominate La La Land for the Academy Award for “Most Depressing Movie”.

**Vinyl record screeches to a halt**

Yeah, you read that correct. La La Land is soul crushing movie masquerading as a whimsical musical full of song and dance. Please use discretion when deciding whether to view La La Land. Under the right circumstances, you may spend the rest of your night face down in your pillow.

How could it be such a rough experience? Well, it’s not. The experience of watching La La Land is fantastic. From the first scene, the movie warps you to an alternate dimension. A plane of existence where anything is possible. A universe where love is plentiful and dreams are achievable.

La La Land never lets up for one minute. Scene after scene piles over you, suffocation by charm. Joy envelopes your cold, dead body as if you are a dying Luke Skywalker shoved inside a musical tauntaun. The warmth of La La Land will give you life.

But as soft shoe to your the car after the lights go up, the truth will creep in. You are an abject failure. Everything you dreamed you might be never came to fruition. Your lofty aspirations sidelined. Your creativity dried. Love wilted.

La La Land is so damn magical you will feel empty the moment you leave its world of whimsy. You will regret your past decisions. If you have ever had a dream, you will feel an unrelenting shame for having let it fade away.

Everybody involved in making La La Land is having the time of his or her life. The cast exhibits genuine excitement every moment on screen. The cinematography and camera work are astounding, full of live and energy as if to be dancing. And the choreography is lively and full of purpose. The music (my God the music!) is unforgettable.

Everything in La La Land blends together with perfect harmony. It’s the love and passion exhibited by the cast and crew that depresses me the most. Not the actual story that’s shown on screen.

The most surprising element to all this is that La La Land isn’t some saccharine story. Despite nonstop optimism in the way the movie’s made, the story is more conflicted. I won’t say if it’s a happy or sad ending, because the answer is both.

La La Land is movie about love. Falling in love. Remembering love. Feeling love. Showing love. It encapsulates the emotion with perfection.

To witness a movie made with this much love and talent is what brings me down. I wish I could find a fraction of love in my own life that is found in La La Land.

Dancing at a Jazz Club

How do I combat this ominous cloud of depression brought on by the unrelenting spectacle of La La Land? I figure I have two options:

  1. Shit on La La Land and drag it down to my level.
  2. Be inspired by La La Land and better myself

Number one sounds much easier. I mean, La La Land isn’t even realistic, at all. It’s actually the worst, when you think about it.

I mean, what’s up with Ryan Gosling’s car? He drives a convertible but never closes the top. Even after parking. Nuh uh. Bull crap. This is Los Angeles. His car is getting stolen, vandalized or both. And he always finds a parking spot in front of his destination? Don’t make me laugh.

And what’s the deal with all those Los Angeles landmarks? La La Land wants me to believe the Griffith Observatory and the surrounding grounds are empty. Fat chance. Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling won’t be marveling at the magic of romance with hordes of tourists lumbering about.

And Emma Stone can afford that nice apartment while working as a barista? Mmm hmmm.

And as for Ryan Gosling enjoying a beautiful sunrise on an ocean pier, get outta here with that nonsense. I’ve been to the beach in Los Angeles. Ryan wouldn’t have gotten five steps without some crackhead hitting him up for change right before he’s stabbed to death and left for dead. How romantic.

And the way Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone fall in love is so contrived and… and…


Beautiful. It’s so beautiful. It’s a painful reminder for those of use who aren’t in the best of situations. We can feel that way again. We’ve felt that way before. La La Land is a beacon shining far in the distance.

It’s sad to see how far I’ve floated off course. But I can still see it. I can still get there.

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling Dancing

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