The Little Hours Review

Halle-fucking-lujah, The Little Hours just became my go-to Christmas movie. If I close my eyes I can imagine the magic of the holiday season. Beautiful, glistening flakes blanket the earth and shit. The amber glow of crackling fires warm even the stingiest assholes. Siblings, parents, grand kids and bitch-ass friends: gather round the television to hear The Little Hours’ holy message.

The Little Hours is a cute little movie full of romance and mischief, a treat for the whole fucking family. Better yet, the word of God is prevalent through the whole damn film. Your children will build their testimony by learning from the actions of each character. Your asshole will tingle while the holy spirit touches you.

The three main bitches represent three different sins: gossip, lust and paganism, three sins that all good Christians face daily. As each nun struggled with the devil’s temptations, I felt my testimony grow. It grew long and hard. But the holy word was not only cloistered with the three main nuns. Each character deals with some shit.

Seriously brothers and sisters. Follow the holy word and watch this goddamn movie. You’ll feel the spirit of God wash over your ugly ass and grow closer to the true meaning of the scripture. I was personally reminded of Two Corinthians chapter 6, verse 9: And low, Nick Offerman’s hair in this movie is so fucking good. And the nuns wrecking shit is mad funny.

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