River (Netflix)

River Review

Hi. My name’s John River. I’m Swedish. I’m a detective inspector for the Met in London. My job is stressful. I’m worried my partner Stevie is involved in something nefarious. I’m terrified that I don’t know the real Stevie. Also, I might be losing my mind.

It all started when my partner Stevie began acting erratically. She was meeting with mysterious people at odd times, handling large amounts of cash, and she was ordering way too many kebabs. Really, just an inordinate amount of kebabs for a human to consume with any sort of frequency. I don’t understand how she eats like that. She just says I need to lighten up. She says I’m too serious, that I’m too ‘one-note.’

Well maybe I can be a little gruff and one-note for extended periods of time. I’m not a very happy person. But that doesn’t mean I spend the entire time in a dark place. I can lighten up. I can try new things. I can be different. Just watch me rock this karaoke machine.

River and Stevie Sing Karaoke

But here’s the thing: why should I even listen to Stevie? Just because she’s constantly pestering me doesn’t mean her opinion is valid. She’s sending me mixed messages as to whether or not she’s a crooked cop. And she has the gall to tell me what to do? Hypocrite!

And Stevie’s just another in a long line of people telling me I’m off my rocker. My boss is always doubting my ability even though I get results. My mandated therapist is always trying to pry into things of which she has no business prying. And all the damn suspects and perps I investigate can’t just make things easy on me or themselves.

I’ll at least acknowledge that all my colleagues and associates are well defined characters. They all have a very unique voice and stature. I appreciate their refreshing candor and clear emotions. I’m seldom lost when trying to connect on a personal level. Very rarely do I meet a person that makes me groan due bad speaking ability. I just wish everybody would stop with the constant nagging.

River and Stevie (Netflix)

While the main crux of my journey seems like a whodunit, it’s just not true. My story is really about how I deal with regret, remorse, anger, happiness, fear, love, and pretty much every other emotion you can think of. Besides, I think you’ll be a little let down when you find out who did infact do it. Usually I like my crime mysteries to come to a mind-blowing conclusion. But this case doesn’t quite have the oomph to rock anybody’s world. It’s more of a means to an end.

But like I just said, you’re not here to watch me solve crimes. You’re here to watch me break down mentally and physically. You’re just waiting to see a car wreck. Well you’re wasting your time. My mind is as solid as a rock. I’ve got this completely under control.

River (Netflix)